Shit Hitting the Fan? Or Fireworks?

6 Oct

That is the question of the hour…or maybe of the week. So, this person from my last post has been bugging the crap out of me-texting me, then when I don’t answer literally within 1 minute, they start texting me a line of question marks, or will start using my full name…like, WHAT!? I am busy, you KNOW I am busy. I take care of multiple children at a time, or I am at my other job, which I can’t always answer back immediately. I’ve already gotten yelled at by this person because I ‘never’ answer my phone for her. Mind you, at the time in question, I was driving in another town with my friend, following her mom to go to lunch-I didn’t know how to get to the restaurant, so I was following her mom so we wouldn’t get lost. She literally left me a voicemail where she was actually YELLING at me through the phone about how I never answer her when she calls, & she needed me to swing by her house to check on something. After that message, I didn’t call her back, I was so upset. A few days later, when she brought it up, I started yelling back at her, telling her I was not only out of town, BUT I was driving (!!!), as well as following my friends mom because I didn’t know the way we were going, & THAT was why I couldn’t answer her TWO phone calls that day. I answer MOST of the times she has called me, both before & since then. I only don’t answer when I am driving, in a movie, or at work. Or if I’m in the bathroom or something…but there’s a good reason I don’t answer it! After I was done, she was all like ‘oh…’ & let it go.

So, back to the question. There is an event going on, not necessarily ‘out’ of town, but kind of on the outskirts of town that she is invited to, as well as a couple of other family members. 1 of the family members, whom this person usually asks for a ride with (because god forbid SHE actually drive out of town), hasn’t asked this person how they are getting there, nor offered to give this person a ride. This person has not asked for a ride either. The family member doesn’t feel it is their responsibility to check in on this person to see if they have a ride, nor are they going to broach the subject. I have to kind of agree with this person. Said person is not this person’s child or responsibility, said person does not answer to this person, so why should said person think that this person will drive said person everywhere? I must say, I am a bit exasperated with said person, & them always expecting any 1 of us to drop everything we’re doing for said person; or for said person to assume that because I or ‘we’ (me & other people) are going somewhere (out of town or otherwise), that said person is automatically invited, & that we are already planning for said person to go with us. I feel like telling said person that ‘WE’ (or I) are going somewhere, NOT said person included. It is a very precarious balance beam I feel I am on. Said person is technically family, BUT within that, they have made it so I don’t want to tell them I am going anywhere, then when they’re like ‘when did you get that?’ or ‘where did you get that?’ I can say I got it at target or wherever & it has already happened, therefore, there’s not a thing that can be done. That being said, a couple of times, I’ve been out of town shopping, & said person has called me. At that point, I can’t deny it because they can obviously tell I am at a store, & if I say I’m at a store in town, said person can easily show up at that store & immediately call my bluff. So, when I tell them, said person immediately acts like I’m a horrible person because I didn’t not only invite said person, but also drive them. It just seems so ridiculous that at this point in their life, that they can’t just decide to go themselves, then actually *gasps* GO. What a concept, I know. But, seriously, this person has nothing else to do all day (other than maybe clean their house…but who doesn’t have that), they have the money, a car, gas…& according to them, they know how to get there…& even if they didn’t, they have a cell phone, which has the internet & GPS. What is stopping them?!?!?!

Anyway, I am going to be captivated by the drama show that seems to be my life & world as of lately, especially now. So, lets see what fireworks will happen in the near future…everyone be safe out there-everyone has lost their ever loving minds!

Shit Hitting the Fan? Or Fireworks?

1 Oct

That is the question of the hour…or maybe of the week. So, this person from my last post has been bugging the crap out of me-texting me, then when I don’t answer literally within 1 minute, they start texting me a line of question marks, or will start using my full name…like, WHAT!? I am busy, you KNOW I am busy. I take care of multiple children at a time, or I am at my other job, which I can’t always answer back immediately. I’ve already gotten yelled at by this person because I ‘never’ answer my phone for her. Mind you, at the time in question, I was driving in another town with my friend, following her mom to go to lunch-I didn’t know how to get to the restaurant, so I was following her mom so we wouldn’t get lost. She literally left me a voicemail where she was actually YELLING at me through the phone about how I never answer her when she calls, & she needed me to swing by her house to check on something. After that message, I didn’t call her back, I was so upset. A few days later, when she brought it up, I started yelling back at her, telling her I was not only out of town, BUT I was driving (!!!), as well as following my friends mom because I didn’t know the way we were going, & THAT was why I couldn’t answer her TWO phone calls that day. I answer MOST of the times she has called me, both before & since then. I only don’t answer when I am driving, in a movie, or at work. Or if I’m in the bathroom or something…but there’s a good reason I don’t answer it! After I was done, she was all like ‘oh…’ & let it go.

So, back to the question. There is an event going on, not necessarily ‘out’ of town, but kind of on the outskirts of town that she is invited to, as well as a couple of other family members. 1 of the family members, whom this person usually asks for a ride with (because god forbid SHE actually drive out of town), hasn’t asked this person how they are getting there, nor offered to give this person a ride. This person has not asked for a ride either. The family member doesn’t feel it is their responsibility to check in on this person to see if they have a ride, nor are they going to broach the subject. I have to kind of agree with this person. Said person is not this person’s child or responsibility, said person does not answer to this person, so why should said person think that this person will drive said person everywhere? I must say, I am a bit exasperated with said person, & them always expecting any 1 of us to drop everything we’re doing for said person; or for said person to assume that because I or ‘we’ (me & other people) are going somewhere (out of town or otherwise), that said person is automatically invited, & that we are already planning for said person to go with us. I feel like telling said person that ‘WE’ (or I) are going somewhere, NOT said person included. It is a very precarious balance beam I feel I am on. Said person is technically family, BUT within that, they have made it so I don’t want to tell them I am going anywhere, then when they’re like ‘when did you get that?’ or ‘where did you get that?’ I can say I got it at target or wherever & it has already happened, therefore, there’s not a thing that can be done. That being said, a couple of times, I’ve been out of town shopping, & said person has called me. At that point, I can’t deny it because they can obviously tell I am at a store, & if I say I’m at a store in town, said person can easily show up at that store & immediately call my bluff. So, when I tell them, said person immediately acts like I’m a horrible person because I didn’t not only invite said person, but also drive them. It just seems so ridiculous that at this point in their life, that they can’t just decide to go themselves, then actually *gasps* GO. What a concept, I know. But, seriously, this person has nothing else to do all day (other than maybe clean their house…but who doesn’t have that), they have the money, a car, gas…& according to them, they know how to get there…& even if they didn’t, they have a cell phone, which has the internet & GPS. What is stopping them?!?!?!

Anyway, I am going to be captivated by the drama show that seems to be my life & world as of lately, especially now. So, lets see what fireworks will happen in the near future…everyone be safe out there-everyone has lost their ever loving minds!

Annoying People With Drama…

26 Sep

Does anyone else have those people in their lives that just butt into everything, acting like they know everything, but in reality, they don’t know what’s going on? They always have an opinion, always cause drama, even though they claim they don’t do the drama thing, but they open their big mouths & put their foot right in their mouths, & actually act surprised when drama lands flat in their lap?! Like they have no clue how it all happened, they were just the poor innocent bystander, & WHAP! Drama just landed right there at their doorstep.Oh, & what about if you (god forbid!!) don’t answer their phone call or text because you were *gulp* busy, I don’t know, maybe driving, or doing your job, & they get pissed at you, or use your full name, like you’re in trouble for something.

Everything in the last paragraph was about ONE person in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love this person, BUT *OMG*. And then, if they happen to hear you making plans with someone to go out of town, they automatically butt in & invite themselves along before you even know they entered the conversation. I can’t tell you how many times me & my sister &/or friend & had been making plans to go out of town to a store (target or the like), & she immediately inserts herself into going…Mind you, we weren’t even talking to her at all, she was talking to other people. Oh, but because we were going, that automatically meant that she was invited & going as well. A couple of times, I had to tell her she couldn’t go with me, because my car was already full with people going with me. OMG, she pretty much threw a fit. HELLO! She has a car, a license, money, & (now that she is retired) the time to go…AND go at her pace, at her leisure (when it suits her), where she wants to go. After all, she’s all talk-she KNOWS where to go, she KNOWS how to get there…So, alright, GO THEN! Oh, but you tell HER that? Then she turns into a blubbering fish, & immediately changes her story-all of a sudden she CAN’T go…yeah, why not? Anytime we go, she can fill up the tank of gas, get what she wants, treat me/us to a meal…so what is stopping her? If she goes herself, if she doesn’t want to eat out, she doesn’t have to, or if she does, she’s just paying for herself.

One time, my 2 friends & I were planning to go to the mall to go Christmas shopping, & of course she invited herself along. Well, she automatically assumed she’d be in the front seat all the time. The day that we had planned to go, I had to work till 2 or 3 o’clock in the afternoon, so we weren’t leaving at the butt crack of dawn (like what she’d WANTED to do), AND I told her from the get go that this was the ONE day I was going shopping for my all of my Christmas presents, SO it wasn’t like I was going for 1 or 2 things & then I’d be done. I had a lot of things I had to get from all over the mall, so I’d be a while. She said OK, that she was ok with that. Well, we get there, & after about an hour or so (by now, it was like 6:30 or so by the time I got her, got my friends, & then got to the mall), she starts texting me, asking me where I am, if I’m done, how much longer it was going to be, then calling me, asking how much more I had to do. OMG she was driving me bananas! I finally told her that I was still shopping, I was going to be a while, & that I had TOLD her that I was not going to be done quick when we got there. Even my friends were like WTF? By the time we left, it was like 7:30 or 8 that night, & she was complaining because she was up so late. I don’t know why she was complaining, she didn’t have to work the next day! AND she got a free ride to the mall, all she had to spend was on the things she bought. NEVER AGAIN!

And, god forbid we say we’re going to go to the bookstore. She’s always like ‘do we HAVE to?’, like it’s SUCH an inconvenience! Then, she starts putting stipulations on it before we even leave. She’s like ‘now don’t stay at the bookstore all day, I want to get to the store at a reasonable hour & get home before it gets too late’. Mind you, I am driving her a**. Ok, so sometimes it might be in her car, that she fills up the tank of gas, & depending, might get me or us a meal, BUT, if she wasn’t going with us, we’d be going anyway in our own car. BUT, she’s got to push herself in the middle of it, practically FORCE us to take her car, because she just filled up the tank to go…News flash, we live in the land of the free, I don’t HAVE to take your car!

It seems like she loves to butt in & give HER version of a story just because she is in the vicinity of a conversation-whether it was warranted or not. Like if someone asks ‘oh I wonder what happened with so & so?’ Oh, she will jump right in & offer a story about what REALLY happened, because she was there, &/or the person confided in her about it. It doesn’t matter if she was there or not, she still KNOWS what happened. More times than not, she was NOT there, AND doesn’t have a clue as to what happened. BUT, for some reason, she feels she HAS to act like she has to outdo everyone else in the room-like she has to know more than anyone else, almost like she has to prove herself, prove her worth to the group that she is talking to. She doesn’t seem to grasp that she doesn’t know everything. In all honesty, they could’ve been asking about a person that was more of an acquaintance of her at the time, a friend of a friend, AND she really doesn’t know what happened. Oh, but she’ll tell the story (most of the time, she is totally off base with the story, it’s usually about something completely different AND unrelated to what was asked about). It’s one thing if she said I *think* this is what happened, but I’m not sure, but she jumps in the deep end with it & is adamant that her story is what happened. In doing this, she’s pissed some people off. Then, since telling this story, she’s talked about that conversation, & is now saying that she told a different story than the story she reportedly told that night. AND, she is acting upset that someone is pissed off at her for basically telling a tall tale & putting this other person in a potentially bad position with said group of friends. She doesn’t get that she is in the wrong by butting in & essentially telling a lie.

She can’t seem to wrap her head around the fact that just because someone she knows is talking about something, or are going somewhere, that she isn’t necessarily invited into that conversation, or invited to go on that trip. Like, just because *I* am going to Target, does NOT mean that she is going to Target WITH me. If I ASK her if she wants to come along, that is a different story. BUT, if I’m planning to go with someone else, & don’t say anything TO her, asking her to go, then she has no reason to go along with me. I think that is a big part of her problem-she doesn’t know boundaries. She thinks that just because 1 of us is going, or a group of us is going, that automatically means she is going too. I can’t tell you how many times we (meaning my parents, sisters & myself) have made plans to go on a trip, or go to the mall or target or something ON OUR OWN (interpretation: JUST us, NOT anyone else, like her), she automatically thinks she’s going too, & immediately inserts herself into the equation, & asks when were leaving, when should she be here. Then, when we bring up the fact that it was just going to be *our* family, she comes back with ‘Well, I am part of your family’…yes, she is part of our family in the general sense, BUT not in the sense that we were talking about. She can’t seem to grasp her head around that concept either. I think a lot has to do with the fact that her parents would always make my dad take her along with a lot of things, & so now, she thinks that it is like that all the time.

 

Anyway, I am going to call it quits so I don’t just keep re-hashing the same thing over & over again.

I’m Right, But I’m Wrong…

20 Sep

I don’t even know where to begin. It’s been one of those periods of time where, no matter what I do, I am catching flack for something. I ask for help, I get treated like I’m an invalid, or like I am stupid, & whatever I am asking help with is SUCH an inconvenience to whoever I am asking. BUT, when I don’t ask, then everyone treats me like I am crazy for NOT asking for help…Then they act like it wouldn’t have been an inconvenience at all, like they would have loved to have helped.

Then, there is the ever present weight issue, & having to either deal with someone who is less than sensitive (shall we say…) about what they say about things, or having to hear the same exact speech about how this other person is not trying to pick on me, but we ALL, & they’re not just singling me out, but that we ALL have to loose weight, & we have to watch what we eat, how much we eat etc. I know none of you can see me right now, out there in the internet space, but I am over here rolling my eyes. It’s either I am getting ‘are you SURE you should be eating that?’ or ‘are you SURE you should have that much?’ said in a rude manner & tone of voice, & basically all in just an insulting way, like they’re TRYING to start a fight over it. Or I am getting the same lecture that I have been getting-word for word, mind you-for the last 5-10 years or so. It definitely is a small portion of my day, if at all, BUT it has just gotten so exhausting & demanding that I would love nothing more then to go to a private space-not even an island, just a place where I can work on me! A private retreat where I can work on making better meals for myself, learn about portion control, exercise, & just get to a healthier place in a happier & non-judgemental place, surrounded by people who are upbeat & are there to help, &/or are going through the same thing I am (or maybe their own thing). We’ve all got our demons, we are all going through our own stuff, it definitely wouldn’t hurt to be a bit more compassionate about things. Especially if you know that if you said something similar about a sensitive spot to that person in the same way that they say it to you, they would get mad & defensive with you & give you a good tongue lashing for it. As the saying goes, when the shoe is on the other foot…

I just feel like I am at a place right now where things aren’t positive & hopeful. One person I live with is VERY negative, ALL the time-ALWAYS watching the news, everything is doom & gloom, 1 little thing goes wrong & the whole world is against this person. Then, another person I live with, isn’t good with communicating. The doom & gloom person with invite people over for dinner (always over here, they never seem to be willing to go out to visit other people or do anything elsewhere). The other person gets pissed off because the doomer is inviting people over. Of course, it doesn’t help that every time, it is last minute, after the person has already gone to the store, which only makes that person even more mad, then the doomer realizes that they’re out of wine, or some other spirit that they need…And, it doesn’t help that the other person doesn’t say anything, or when they DO say something, it is in a pissed off, about ready to fight manner, which makes the doomer got on the offensive. I don’t know if any of you are getting the feeling that they are not good communicators, but I sure have. Or, sometimes when they DO communicate, the other person (like I just said) will be very confrontational, which makes the doomer go on the offensive…which turns into a fight…I just don’t get why we can’t all just talk in a civilized fashion, instead of being confrontational. Then, the other person I live with is scared of everything. Everything they say or do, they’re afraid someone is watching & is going to report them for god knows what. Or, god forbid that when they’re driving down the road, & POSSIBLY gave someone a stink eye (not even sure that they did…), that that person is going to suddenly turn around & follow them & beat them up or something. Yet again, something else that is there in the back of my mind, worrying away at my peace of mind. It seems like it never ends, there is always a fight, or something to look over a shoulder about. Now, I sit in my room, alone & more happy than when I started this post. I’ve gotten all this off my chest, I am alone, away from the stressful people. Now, if I could only find that someplace to go for a bit to work on me…

Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming…

5 Sep

What do you do when you feel like you’re always troubled by the same problems? Or you seem to keep having the same issues with the same person over & over again, but you can’t say anything because no matter what you say, this person isn’t going to & will never change? In fact, saying something to this person only causes drama, because at the mention of the ‘issue’ only makes that person mad, & they create more un-needed drama on top of all the drama they have already caused.

 

This person constantly acts like they know everything about everybody, all the juicy little tidbits, like they’re all up in everyone’s business…only to get it all mixed up, have it all wrong, & not know anything. Oh, & let’s not forget that they don’t drive out of town, & frankly don’t know HOW to drive out of town, but that doesn’t stop them from ACTING like they know their way around. They act like they know, but when you challenge them, & say ‘Ok, you know hot to get to point x, drive yourself there’, then they turn all timid & they’re like ‘I don’t know how to get there’. Or, they’re all talk, & end up going to someplace else other than where you told them to get to. This person is older, from another generation, before computers, laptops, cell phones, smart phones, & internet. I get that the world of the internet & such can be daunting, & the fact that you can look up virtually anything & everything on a small cellular telephone that you can hold in the palm of your hand & take everywhere you go is mind baffling, it is a whole new world we are living in now. BUT, that being said, we DO have these little pieces of technology that we can fit in our purses, our pockets, that we can call other people on, text people on, go on the internet & find anything-directions included. So, even if you have no idea where you are, or where to go, you have this cell phone that you can whip out, go onto the internet, find where you are, find out directions of where you need to or want to go, you can call or text someone if you need help or whatever. Heck, you can even play games on it. I don’t claim to know how to get everywhere, BUT I do have my cell phone that I can look up their address, THEN look up directions to get there. I can’t tell you how many times I have told this person to do that, & EVERY time, they act surprised that you can do that! And, that is after a 10 minute drama where they keep saying that they don’t know where it is at, to which I keep telling them that they can look it up on their phone, to which they again say they don’t know how to. The first 5 or 10 times, I was patient with them, & even walked them through what to do. But, now, after the three thousandth time I’ve told them, it is a bit old, they should know that they can google or bing it on their phone, then look up the directions on either mapquest, or look up maps on their phone, or look up their gps or maps application on their phone.

Then, this person is always saying that they never get out of town. They have a car, they have money to get gas, they have a drivers license, they have a cell phone in case anything happens. When someone brings this up to them, they act offended & say that THEY can’t drive out of town, that someone else HAS to do it because they don’t know how  to get there…please see last paragraph for what to do to find directions. I hate to sound like a downer all the time, or like I am sitting up on my soap box, judging everybody, but this person can be such an easy target. I try so hard to take a deep breath before saying something to this person, as most of the time, my first thought is to tell them to look up the directions on their phone, that they know how to do that. This person is single, way over 18, owns their own car, pays their bills…it’s not like they have young children or a spouse that they have to take care of, or anywhere else to be (other then the occasional doctor appointment or whatever), it’s not like they’re skipping out on work or any responsibilities or anything. So, why CAN’T they take a trip to a target or walmart nearby? They DO know how to get there after all….or so they say. And even if they don’t, they have a cell phone with internet…that solves a lot of problems!

I think this person likes to create drama, or just loves the attention. This person’s parents doted on them their whole life-anyplace this person needed to go, the parents would drive them. That being said, even as a fully grown person, their parents would still take them to the doctor & the parents would know what they were going in for, they’d know when this person had a bowel movement, or went to take a pee. It seems like it’d be quite stiffling, to have ZERO space to move, to grow, to have any kind of relationship, to learn how to drive out of town, to live on their own. It kind of reminds me of that movie ‘Bubble Boy’. This person was like the main character-the parents were all up into all their business. When I became of age, & started getting my period, I started using tampons (not RIGHT away, but after about 6 months or so). Oh boy, did that irk this person & their parents. I was obviously close enough to them that they knew I used them, & I knew they completely, vehemently disapproved. But, I didn’t care, they weren’t my parents. They honestly could not understand the fact that I was using them, they even tried getting me to not use them, kept saying it was un-natural. Like I said, I didn’t care-it was MY decision. Not like anyone else needs to know this, but I have a somewhat harder period, so that was part of the reason I used them-so I didn’t have to keep going back to the bathroom every 10 minutes to change a pad while I was in school.

This person is very small minded- never got out much & drove anywhere, never explored around, never had a significant other or dated. They still remind me very much of a smaller child, they only know whats in the town they live in (they do know there is a bigger world out there, has traveled some-never alone), they always listened to their parents, always did what they said, the parents drove them out of town anytime this person went out of town, the parents never said ‘go out & drive yourself’, the parents were always looking over their shoulder, telling them what to do. This person has always been very dependent on their parents & other people. Now that the parents are gone, the dependency has been changed to ‘other people’. Even calling the doctor to make an appointment, it’s like this person is suffering, & complaining about it to everyone, & everyone tells them to call the doctor over & over again, but do they? Nope, everyone else pretty much has to tell this person that we don’t want to hear it anymore because as long as they aren’t going to call the doctor, there isn’t anything else we can do about it. This person’s dependency has been difficult to deal with-there is only so many times anyone can tell this person that they can, in fact, drive themselves out of town (it isn’t against the law), they can get directions (on their phone even), they can, in fact, figure out how to do things on their phone without someone else doing it for them… This person keeps asking me how to do something on their phone (we have 2 different types of phones, so I have no idea how to do much on their phone), & when I reply that I haven’t a clue (because in fact, I have no clue), I get in trouble for it because I automatically said no, & that I DO know how to but I just don’t want to tell them how to do it. One time, I told them to stand up, sit down, stand up, turn around 3 times…or something like that. Another time, I turned my phone around, so the screen was facing me, put it where the person couldn’t see it, & asked what color my screen was. This person got mad at me because how was this person supposed to know that without being able to see the screen? Or knowing the phone. I told this person-point proven, how am I supposed to know how to do something on their phone, that they have set up the way they want (on top of it being a completely different brand of phone than mine), as well as a completely different phone than mine, without looking at the phone & fiddling with it a bit? And even still, there isn’t any guarantee that I will be able to figure out what to do. This person has the owners manual, HELLO! Read it!

Anyway, I guess that is all I’ve got for the moment…hopefully no more drama? I am trying to think positively.

Well…NOW I’m Worried…

3 Jun

Ok, so the lady I’ve been working for has a live in. She has had this live in for about a year & a half now. Everything was going great for about 6 months…then the live in suddenly got this skin condition-REALLY red skin, dry, itchy, scaly, peeling…It was EVERYwhere! Who knows how long this was building up. So the live in went to the regular doctor, who sent her to a dermatologist, who said she had scabies, then it wasn’t, it was something else, then it was psoriasis, then it was eczema, then they didn’t know what it was. There is obviously something wrong with her, she complains that it hurts & itches ALL the time, BUT she won’t go to the dermatologist or specialist. I get it that it is hard for her to get out of town to go to the doctor with her not having a car or license, BUT she has friends that can take her, she has TWO days off per week, ONE of those days is a weekday, SOOOO she can go, she just has to set it up with a friend of hers (which she has many) to take her. Or, worse comes to worse, she can take the bus!!! There are ways that she can get there! She just went recently, & they still have no idea what it is, BUT the doctor (I am pretty sure it was the dermatologist) told her that she needed to get a pap smear & a mammogram to find out what she has…say what? What the hell is that supposed to do? I mean, that will tell her if she has a female part cancer, but how is that mandatory to tell her what she has on her skin? Oh, & then, she said that depending on the results from those, she might not be able to take care of the lady I work for anymore…Things are just getting curiouser & curiouser if you ask me…This lady has literally been a nightmare to work with according to our ‘boss’. The live in is constantly cursing up a storm, always complaining about her condition, always complaining about having to get up to toilet our boss, has cried for a couple of days at a time, slamming things down…I’ve been there when the live in has said  something rude in a very rude tone & manner, then started laughing, like she was just kidding. This person TOOK the job…she came into this job knowing what her responsibilities were going to be. Yes, there is a tack on the end of that-FOR THE MOST PART…SUBJECT TO CHANGE. Things change, not always for the better, but they change anyway. What are you going to do? She can quit…like she threatened at least twice that I know of. But then, she will be homeless AND jobless-No money coming in. Then what?

I get it that she is in a bad place right now, with this skin condition on top of having to take care of someone else. BUT, wouldn’t that motivate you to go to the doctors & find out whats wrong? ASAP?!?!?! If I had that all over my body, I’d make sure I went to the doctor & that they find out whats wrong. I would do pretty much whatever it took to figure out what that was.

So, about a month ago, I started getting this red patch on the back of my neck, it was dry, itching & it felt kinda scaly. So, I went to my doctor Friday, which she said it looks like either psoriasis or eczema. Today, someone I know is starting to get a dry patch on the back of their neck. Odd, right? That is what I am thinking too…But, thinking of everyone the live in must have come into contact with, plus everyone I have some into contact with, why is it only ONE other person seems to be getting almost the same starting issues as what the live in started with? I am not sure if it started on her neck too, but just seems kind of odd that I, & only me, have gotten this. There is another person who works with us for our boss. She hasn’t gotten anything, our boss hasn’t gotten anything, nobody else in my family or friends have gotten anything…It just strikes me as very weird that after a year, suddenly I have something similar (possibly…), then right on the heels of me, someone else I know might also have it too? For the record, yes I have started using new body wash (another scent by a company I’ve used before & haven’t had trouble), yes, I have started using new laundry detergent (but it is only on the back of my neck-not where my clothing is), yes I have started using new shampoo/conditioner (yet again-another type by a same company that I have used before without incident, & yet again, it’s only on the back of my neck, not down my whole back). So many questions right now…Why, after all this time, has it started on me? If, in fact, it is from the live in. Then, why so quick on the person I know, & not anyone else I have been close to? And, why noone else the live in has been close to? Do I have the same thing as the live in? What does the live in have? What do I have? Is it contagious? (I am thinking no, but I just don’t know) My mind seems to be going a mile a minute, with no answers right now. Hopefully I will get some soon, at least for me! Definitely calling my doctors office tomorrow…

On top of all that, certain people have been…not really ignoring me, but lets just say that if I were someone else, they’d be calling me way before I texted them at 6 o’clock at night about the doctor visit. And, other people have been on me about my weight still. I have lost almost 20 pounds, but I don’t dare tell them that, because I am sure they will tell me that that isn’t good enough. TRUST me, IF I could just wave a wand or finger & POOF, the weight would be gone, believe me when I tell you I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT ALREADY!!! Trust me, I look at myself every god damned day, & I don’t like who I see looking back at me-a HUGE person, someone who looks like a female Jabba the hutt, a female fat Albert-only short. I don’t like what & who I have become. I want to lose weight soooo badly, & I look at myself every day, & every day, I am still fat, I try so hard to eat right, exercise, do the right thing. But every day, I still see that fat person looking back. Every day is a struggle, that is for darn sure! Another day comes, another day goes, & I haven’t lost as much as I’d like. I don’t expect to loose a chunk of myself overnight, but I don’t see the little bits I do loose everyday, & that is hard too. That is a downer, trying so hard to eat right, eat small portions, exercise, drink lots of water, & I look exactly the same today as I did yesterday-no bigger, no smaller. It just gets to be so hard to pull myself out of bed mentally, to mentally prepare myself for the day, trying to have a good day, only to be beaten down by someone in my inner circle. If they don’t have faith in me, don’t try to lift me up, but instead try to tear me down, tear down my confidence, how is that going to help me? Tough love works on some people, but not on me! Sometimes, I can take that proverbial ripping the bandaid off, but most of the time, not so much. However, I am a human being, so if you come to me honestly, & in just the right way (not sounding demeaning, mean, or condescending etc) then you will have a much better chance at an open ‘meeting’, if you will, with me, & you will find me trying to meet you halfway on it.

Just some food for thought…

To Have a Baby, Or To NOT To Have a Baby…

26 Mar

Some people should never have become a parent. I have a friend that I could (& DO) say this about. I love them dearly, but they should never have had a child. Why am I bringing this up right now, you ask?

Because this friend has become pregnant again. They’ve had a couple of miscarriages, finally having 1 child. This friend is a good parent, but I seem to keep finding things wrong with what they do. Like, after the baby was born, they didn’t lift a finger-the spouse did EVERYthing!! When it was time for them to pump milk, the spouse would have to set up the pump, hook up all the tubes, prepare everything, literally put the suction cup thing onto my friends breast, turn it on, then fix the strength & speed of it,& the friend could only do it on 1 breast because they couldn’t hold 1 in each on each breast. Then, my friend would make a big deal about making sure everything was clean, & making sure that the spouse changed the babies diaper. If the baby wimpered, my friend would tell the spouse to check on the baby. Then, when the time came when my friend was actually breastfeeding the baby directly, the spouse had to get the baby all ready (bundled up in a blanket), then, the spouse had to place the baby in the ‘correct’ way, & get the baby latched onto the nipple. Shouldn’t that be the mothers job? Isn’t that part of the mothers job description? I get that right after having a baby, a mothers body is still recuperating, she DID just have a baby. But still…the fact that my friend albeit ordered the spouse to set up the pump, & put it on her, turn it on, AND adjust it…I just can’t fathom how they see this as an acceptable thing to do. I would never ask this of my spouse. I can see asking to plug it in maybe, if I forgot to do that. I would at least make sure everything was washed & had it set up in a sealed container or something to hold it all together (so it wouldn’t get dirty), & set it by the pump, ready to go for the next session, then I’d set it up, & put it on myself. Everyone I know who has used a pump has done it themselves, never had their spouse do as much as this friend has.

This friend has their spouse running around like a chicken with their head cut off, & they still act like their not grateful at all for anything the spouse does. Are you kidding me?! I would kill to have someone like that! Then, now they’re expecting their 2nd child…after my friend freaked out because the toddler they have now, was wailing & the spouse was at work & their mom wasn’t answering the phone or calling back…come on now! Who’s the parent? AND, they have a toddler, this shouldn’t be an issue now, shouldn’t warrant a call to your mother because you can’t handle it. You are having another 1…if you can’t handle this 1, what makes you think you should have another 1? AND, what would you be doing if there were 2 of them?! I just can’t get past the fact that this friend has had 1 child, & is now having a 2nd one? I just can’t help but shake my head & think that they’re making the wrong decision.

This friend is soooo intolerant, obstinate & stubborn. I am ok with someone being against something, & standing up for their beliefs, but the way that this person presents it & comes across is almost ignorant. Instead of saying you don’t like something because of XYZ, in a nice, respectful way, they say it like ‘WELL, I don’t like this’…like there is no argument to be had, no room for questioning as to why or anything. They say it in a way that it is almost like they put their hand up to say stop while they are saying it, like they are putting up an impenetratable wall between you & them. There has even been times when this person has said something on a topic, which someone has proven them wrong on, but they kept fighting it, but when they were shown the facts proving they were wrong, oh then, someone else told them that, then they move on to the next subject. This friend is SO completely against the porn industry, that they have forbade their spouse from watching it. Mind you, they had sex before they were married, this friend has purchased a ‘toy’ & used it. This friend hasn’t been intimate as often as the spouse would like I am assuming, because this friend keeps complaining that they feel distant & that they can tell when the spouse has been watching it. Ok, so they’re not giving the spouse anything intimate (not the whole enchilada, not a handjob, blow job or anything else), doesn’t let the spouse watch porn & do it themselves (claims the spouse is a porn addict, which isn’t true), then gets pissed off because the spouse keeps trying to get some from said friend? Or they get into a fight because the spouse is grouchy (from lack of sex)? I am not the 1st person to say this, BUT this friend is literally telling the spouse to cheat on them-which is something else the friend is staunchly against. It’s like this friend is pushing the spouse away, then says that they feel distant. Well, stop pushing them away! The spouse may need that more than said friend does, so either give it up in 1 way or another, or let them watch porn & get it done themselves! I can understand being against certain types of porn (with animals, or the heavy stuff), BUT those people made a choice with their lives, they’re not PUSHING it onto you, they’re not telling you to watch someone roleplay & have sex or do anything crazy. You don’t want to watch it, fine. BUT, to bar your spouse from watching it because YOU don’t like it, then not giving them any…that is asking for them to take it elsewhere, where they can get it from someone else. THEN, if that did/does happen, this friend will be devastated & crying & wondering how & why this happened, crying that they don’t know where this came from…you can be sure that they won’t take on any responsibility in the matter though.

I truly care for this friend, we have been friends for most of our lives. BUT I am getting very tired of all this drama that this friend makes for themselves & for our group of friends. Said friend created a fight with our group of friends (us against said friend) over (what else? Wait for it…) the porn issue. Our group of friends, myself included, don’t think watching porn is THAT big of a deal, to keep poking at it & getting into a fight with your spouse over is stupid! You don’t like it? Walk into the other room, do something else until they are done. But no, this friend not only had to get into a fight with their spouse over it, BUT also got into a huge fight with the rest of our group of friends over it as well, & didn’t talk to us for almost a week because of it. It was like this friend was saying ‘you don’t agree with me, so I am going to punish you by not talking to you’. AND this friend apologized to the rest of our group EXCEPT for me. I even mentioned it & this friend was like ‘well, what do you want from me?’ At this point, I’m not pulling as many punches with this friend as I used to. I am way more open & honest with this friend than I have been in the past. I, also, feel like if I happen to loose this friend in the future, let’s just say I won’t be as devastated as I would be if I lost 1 of my other friends in the group…