Hard Decisions…

11 Aug

So, I got a new job…which means I had to quit one of my other jobs. Easy guess as to which one-the one that is one day a week…the one that was only supposed to last 6 to 8 weeks…the one that has progressively gone down hill for about the last 2-3 years or so. I have known this person for a long while now, & seeing her go downhill over that time has been hard, but I feel like that harder toll has been mental.

It has been tough working for this person lately. They have been super grumpy. There MAY be a reason for it recently, but it still doesn’t make it easy. This person had a fall close to 2 years ago. Since then, I’ve noticed a change. Not a big one, but one none-the-less. This person has been more snappy than normal-more so recently. I have noticed that I just sit down, & this person will say they have to go to the bathroom. I know, I know, you can’t control when you have to go. BUT this is after this person has had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off doing other jobs for this person. I start one thing, then this person tells me to do something else, which I do, then try to finish the first thing, only be put to another task. So, anyway, back to this person having to go to the bathroom. I get up, get the bucket for them to go #1, get to the bed, for this person to grumpily tell me that they have to go poop… I have tried so hard to be the best I can be, but it has been very hard with this person…with this person saying I need you to do this, then halfway through that, they need me to do this other thing, then move on to something else…all day long. I understand that this person obviously needs help, they are bed ridden at the moment, possibly for the rest of their life. I can’t imagine how it must feel…to be born with an affliction that leaves one with the almost need to have help for the simplest of things, but to then become independent, to go out & have a good time, to find that special someone, then to get married, & have a child. To do things beyond what is expected of you…to go from that to now, being bed ridden, not being able to get up on your own to go to the bathroom, not being able to get up to get yourself something to eat…I would be upset if it were me, BUT, I would try to keep an even head. I am not trying to say that this person is taking anything out on me, because I know this person isn’t just acting this way towards only me. It is tough, knowing this person for so long, & seeing them now.

I don’t know if it is the caring person inside me, but it’s almost like I feel responsible for them, like I am THE one that can do no wrong, am the one to take care of them. I guess it’s almost like an allegiance. This person would call, & I’d come running. (to be fair, I’d do this with all my jobs) After a while, I got tired of it, but what could I do? This person was calling me because the other people who were supposed to be there for them weren’t there. I felt it landed square on me to be the savior, if you will. But, after so long, I started to draw lines, doing more things for myself. I know this may sound selfish, but I am always doing things for everyone else, dropping everything to go to this person at the drop of a hat. It’s not that I don’t give a darn, or don’t care at all, I DO care, I DO give lots of darns, it’s just that I feel with this person, they know that I will drop everything when they call, they use me as kind of a crutch. I kind of feel bad that I have a new job & have to leave them, but I feel it is necessary. And, turns out I am not completely leaving this person-I am still going to come see the person 1 day a month to do some stuff. I can’t seem to shake this. I am not sure how long this will last, what with me having 2 other jobs. I just can’t seem to catch a break.

Then, on top of this, a certain family member is being weird again. They aren’t using the god given sense that was given to them. This family member texts me when they KNOW I am at my other job, which takes all of my attention most of the time. There are some pockets where I can look at my phone, talk on it, text, etc, BUT, most of the time, I am otherwise engaged. Well, this person got all but hurt because I wasn’t getting back to them RIGHT THEN…even though they KNOW that I was busy at that time, & that if I don’t get back to them right away, I am busy. They should know this, as I have told them this before, & to not worry about it, that if I don’t answer right away, I am busy, but I will get back to them when I can. This was after ‘that one incident’. About 10 years ago, one of my BFF’s & me were going to visit their mom who lives about half an hour away, to see a movie then go out to lunch. It was my day off, this person knew it was my day off, but they didn’t know that I had plans. This person is a family member of mine, but is NOT either of my parental units, SO, I didn’t feel the need to tell this person where I was going, as I am not duty bound to tell this person what I am doing, where I am going etc. I am not accountable to this person at all. Well, while I was driving from the theater to the restaurant (I didn’t know the way, so I was following my friends mom), this family member calls me once. Because I was driving, I didn’t answer the phone. This family member left me a message, so I figured, I would get it when I wasn’t driving. When we got to the restaurant, I got the message. I literally almost started crying when it was done. This family member was practically yelling at me because I didn’t answer the family member’s phone call, that I KNEW who was calling, & was deliberately not answering the phone BECAUSE it was this family member, that they needed my help & to go check on another family member. Mind you, this family member called me all of ONE time & left this message-so it wasn’t like they repeatedly called me & I didn’t answer. AND, this family member had no clue what I was doing, or where I was either that day, OR at the time that they called me. When I saw this person next (not at work), they made a snide remark about it, & I let go. I asked this person if they knew WHERE I was & WHAT I was doing that day, & at that time that they called me. They said no. So I told them that I was in another city, DRIVING down the road, following my friends mom because I didn’t know the way, & I asked this person if they were willing to pay to come get me & my friend out of jail, get my car out of impound, as well as pay for the ticket I get for talking on the phone while driving? That left this person sputtering & speechless. Since then, I don’t have much of a tolerance for this family member’s bullsh*t. They are always causing unnecessary drama, & just plain not being smart-like, really being honest to god stupid, not just acting that way.



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