Archive | March, 2016

To Have a Baby, Or To NOT To Have a Baby…

26 Mar

Some people should never have become a parent. I have a friend that I could (& DO) say this about. I love them dearly, but they should never have had a child. Why am I bringing this up right now, you ask?

Because this friend has become pregnant again. They’ve had a couple of miscarriages, finally having 1 child. This friend is a good parent, but I seem to keep finding things wrong with what they do. Like, after the baby was born, they didn’t lift a finger-the spouse did EVERYthing!! When it was time for them to pump milk, the spouse would have to set up the pump, hook up all the tubes, prepare everything, literally put the suction cup thing onto my friends breast, turn it on, then fix the strength & speed of it,& the friend could only do it on 1 breast because they couldn’t hold 1 in each on each breast. Then, my friend would make a big deal about making sure everything was clean, & making sure that the spouse changed the babies diaper. If the baby wimpered, my friend would tell the spouse to check on the baby. Then, when the time came when my friend was actually breastfeeding the baby directly, the spouse had to get the baby all ready (bundled up in a blanket), then, the spouse had to place the baby in the ‘correct’ way, & get the baby latched onto the nipple. Shouldn’t that be the mothers job? Isn’t that part of the mothers job description? I get that right after having a baby, a mothers body is still recuperating, she DID just have a baby. But still…the fact that my friend albeit ordered the spouse to set up the pump, & put it on her, turn it on, AND adjust it…I just can’t fathom how they see this as an acceptable thing to do. I would never ask this of my spouse. I can see asking to plug it in maybe, if I forgot to do that. I would at least make sure everything was washed & had it set up in a sealed container or something to hold it all together (so it wouldn’t get dirty), & set it by the pump, ready to go for the next session, then I’d set it up, & put it on myself. Everyone I know who has used a pump has done it themselves, never had their spouse do as much as this friend has.

This friend has their spouse running around like a chicken with their head cut off, & they still act like their not grateful at all for anything the spouse does. Are you kidding me?! I would kill to have someone like that! Then, now they’re expecting their 2nd child…after my friend freaked out because the toddler they have now, was wailing & the spouse was at work & their mom wasn’t answering the phone or calling back…come on now! Who’s the parent? AND, they have a toddler, this shouldn’t be an issue now, shouldn’t warrant a call to your mother because you can’t handle it. You are having another 1…if you can’t handle this 1, what makes you think you should have another 1? AND, what would you be doing if there were 2 of them?! I just can’t get past the fact that this friend has had 1 child, & is now having a 2nd one? I just can’t help but shake my head & think that they’re making the wrong decision.

This friend is soooo intolerant, obstinate & stubborn. I am ok with someone being against something, & standing up for their beliefs, but the way that this person presents it & comes across is almost ignorant. Instead of saying you don’t like something because of XYZ, in a nice, respectful way, they say it like ‘WELL, I don’t like this’…like there is no argument to be had, no room for questioning as to why or anything. They say it in a way that it is almost like they put their hand up to say stop while they are saying it, like they are putting up an impenetratable wall between you & them. There has even been times when this person has said something on a topic, which someone has proven them wrong on, but they kept fighting it, but when they were shown the facts proving they were wrong, oh then, someone else told them that, then they move on to the next subject. This friend is SO completely against the porn industry, that they have forbade their spouse from watching it. Mind you, they had sex before they were married, this friend has purchased a ‘toy’ & used it. This friend hasn’t been intimate as often as the spouse would like I am assuming, because this friend keeps complaining that they feel distant & that they can tell when the spouse has been watching it. Ok, so they’re not giving the spouse anything intimate (not the whole enchilada, not a handjob, blow job or anything else), doesn’t let the spouse watch porn & do it themselves (claims the spouse is a porn addict, which isn’t true), then gets pissed off because the spouse keeps trying to get some from said friend? Or they get into a fight because the spouse is grouchy (from lack of sex)? I am not the 1st person to say this, BUT this friend is literally telling the spouse to cheat on them-which is something else the friend is staunchly against. It’s like this friend is pushing the spouse away, then says that they feel distant. Well, stop pushing them away! The spouse may need that more than said friend does, so either give it up in 1 way or another, or let them watch porn & get it done themselves! I can understand being against certain types of porn (with animals, or the heavy stuff), BUT those people made a choice with their lives, they’re not PUSHING it onto you, they’re not telling you to watch someone roleplay & have sex or do anything crazy. You don’t want to watch it, fine. BUT, to bar your spouse from watching it because YOU don’t like it, then not giving them any…that is asking for them to take it elsewhere, where they can get it from someone else. THEN, if that did/does happen, this friend will be devastated & crying & wondering how & why this happened, crying that they don’t know where this came from…you can be sure that they won’t take on any responsibility in the matter though.

I truly care for this friend, we have been friends for most of our lives. BUT I am getting very tired of all this drama that this friend makes for themselves & for our group of friends. Said friend created a fight with our group of friends (us against said friend) over (what else? Wait for it…) the porn issue. Our group of friends, myself included, don’t think watching porn is THAT big of a deal, to keep poking at it & getting into a fight with your spouse over is stupid! You don’t like it? Walk into the other room, do something else until they are done. But no, this friend not only had to get into a fight with their spouse over it, BUT also got into a huge fight with the rest of our group of friends over it as well, & didn’t talk to us for almost a week because of it. It was like this friend was saying ‘you don’t agree with me, so I am going to punish you by not talking to you’. AND this friend apologized to the rest of our group EXCEPT for me. I even mentioned it & this friend was like ‘well, what do you want from me?’ At this point, I’m not pulling as many punches with this friend as I used to. I am way more open & honest with this friend than I have been in the past. I, also, feel like if I happen to loose this friend in the future, let’s just say I won’t be as devastated as I would be if I lost 1 of my other friends in the group…

Here comes the rain again…

15 Mar

So it’s happening again…that feeling like I’m a big let down & embarrassment to my family. I’m overweight, I know it…I have to loose weight, I know it. I didn’t gain the weight in 1 day, I can’t possibly loose all or most of it in 1 day (though I wish I could). Someone I know went in for surgery today, & I tagged along. A comment was made about the dr coming in to see who else he could recruit to get the surgery done as well, to which the person I tagged along with did that pointing thing toward me trying to be sly. Gee thanks…I know what I am, I know I need to loose weight, but do you HAVE to keep rubbing it in? Do you HAVE to keep telling me that you know we all have to loose weight, not just me, that you’re not trying to keep picking on me? If you’re not trying to pick on me, why do you keep saying it like that to me?! Cuz it’s sure coming off like that…& frankly, I am tired of it. I am trying. I keep getting told that this person has already lost X amount of weight…that’s been over the last 5 years & they keep bringing that up! Keep throwing it in my face…like that’s going to help, like that will motivate me! It hasn’t worked yet, what makes you think that if you keep that same tactic that it will work? I’m SORRY that I’m such an embarrassment, I’m SORRY that I let it get this far! I’m SORRY that the weight doesn’t just drop off me period, let alone in a day! Short of doing something drastic, I don’t know what else to do. I don’t feel like I am ready to go in for liposuction, or the gastric sleeve or bypass, or anything like that. I feel like sometimes it’s too much to do on my own, but the other options (surgery) are at the opposite end of my dilemma. I feel like throwing my arms up & just walk away-walk away from everybody & everything I know, & start a new life as someone else in another town far far away. Just pack up everything that’s important to me & pick a place on a map & go there. I know I would deeply regret leaving-as that would leave behind my heart with 2 little twins that I love with all my heart & a best friend that I don’t know if I could live without. That seems to be one of the hardest parts of all this. I know what I have to do, but I feel like an isolated island. My family doesn’t get me-part of them would RATHER I disappear & never be heard from again (as I am a stain on the family name & legacy…). I feel like I can’t talk to anybody, can’t reach out & find a positive outlet anywhere-which is also part of the problem-it’s so easy for everyone else to preach at me, but they don’t take the time to actually listen to what they’re saying or see how I react to what they’re saying, they’re blindly preaching at me saying we all need to change, but then they don’t do anything about it.
I am so tired & frustrated with so many things right now…