Archive | September, 2015


20 Sep

These last few days, I have had what feels like a constant headache. I can only seem to get rid of it for short bits of time, & only with help, i.e. aspirin, tylenol etc. I am not one who usually takes medication if I don’t absolutely have to, but between this headache period, on top of it being almost non stop, I feel like I have been less tolerant of things around me. People have been pissing me off more lately, I’ve been a little more short than normal, I’ve been isolating myself away in my room because it’s either that or I go on a yelling rampage yelling at EVERY one-& TRUST ME, you DON’T want that! I feel like I’ve been on the verge of going off on someone, anyone, literally at any second, for any reason.

Well, today, that almost happened, twice…within about 5 minutes! A certain person was being even more of an idiot than normal, THAN was trying to fight about it like they were right, when they were clearly wrong. A mass email was sent to both of us, plus other people. There is 2 people (many more actually, but to avoid confusing you even more, lets just leave it at these 2) that have close first names, both have the same last name, both married into the family. Well, ONE of them sent the email to us, & had mentioned another member of the family that is on their side, then ended it with their & their significant other’s name. Well, the certain person from the beginning of the paragraph thought it was the other person, because this person clearly doesn’t know how to read, & was asking me if I had gotten a message from them. Well, first, this person asked if I had gotten the message from the wrong person on facebook. I said no, that person isn’t on facebook. This person replied that it was in her email…2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS!!! I’m not a mind reader, I don’t know what this person is trying to tell me-I don’t think this person even know what they’re trying to say! So, then the story changes & they’re saying it was an email sent out to everybody (so obviously I must’ve gotten it, right?) I said no, I didn’t get an email from that person, that I had gotten 1 from the other person, & this person went on to fight with me on it. I even went so far as to pull it up, read it out loud to everyone that was there, this person even brought up on their phone & showed it to another person who was here-who even said it was the other person, NOT the person they were saying, & even noted that, at the bottom, it was signed from that person & their significant other! This person kept trying to fight with me on it, to which THEY were proven wrong.

Then, speaking of names, we got talking about people using other names, & this same person said that a certain person they know, they only knew by 1 name, & that was that persons ONLY name because that was the only way this person knew them as…HELLO!!! I have a nickname for this person, that is the only way I know this person. Another friend of ours goes by their middle name, which this person did not know because this person only knew them by their middle name. How many people do we know go by nicknames? Ok, so if your full name is like, Kenneth, & you go by Ken, or Kenny, that sort of thing doesn’t count in this. I can even discount if your name is like Michelle, & you go by Micky, or Shelly…that type of thing. But if your name is like Michelle, & you go by Birdie or something completely unrelated to your name, or like I said about that friend, if you go by your  middle name, that is what we were talking about. This person was saying that they only knew this person by the name that they called them…BUT that doesn’t mean that that is their real, given name, JUST because you call them that, doesn’t mean that is their name! Just because that is all that YOU know them as, doesn’t mean that that is their name. All this person had to say was that the only name they knew this other person by was what they always called them, but instead they had to fight, whether it was to get the upper hand & try to be right, I don’t know, but they only caused a fight, made people mad, & looked even more like an idiot. If & when I am wrong, I will admit it. If & when I don’t know for sure about something, I will say so! Like if someone comes up & asks me how old somebody is, or whatever & I do not know for sure, I will say, I don’t know! I won’t try to fight it just to make a point, & to try to be right-If I don’t know, then I don’t know! If you do ask me something, & I DO know the answer, I will tell you…SO if I’m giving you an answer, it means I know the answer.

I just don’t see how people can fight so strongly over something they are wrong over. I am not talking about varying thoughts & things that can change, things that aren’t changeable, like the main colors. Blue will always be blue, you can certainly fight over the varying shades etc, but blue is blue. Like, that person is that person, not to be confused with me or with any other person. They may have similar names, similar hair colors, similar body shapes, etc, but they’re 2 different people! The name difference could be as close as Michelle & Marchelle, or John & Juan (even though I know that Juan is the hispanic form of John…), or Sylvia & Sophia, the list goes on! There is even the father-son with the same name…try not to get them confused! I guess the moral to this story is to have some humility, a little goes a long way! If you’re right, ok, but if you’re wrong, own up to it! DON’T keep trying to fight for the wrong (literally!) side! There is nothing wrong with being wrong-trying to keep up a fight over something that you are wrong over & you keep trying to prove it right is the wrong way to go!!!


Gotta Get This Off My Chest…

12 Sep

I know I complain a lot here, & it seems like I have a LOT of problems…trust me, I FEEL like I have a LOT of problems!!! I feel like I ALWAYS have something brewing inside of me…& not good stuff either! I feel like it’s getting to the point now where I feel like I have a black soul almost…I feel mean, hatred, mad, sad, upset, wanting to lash out ALL the time, I feel like this constant bad ‘mood’ if you will, is ALWAYS around me & inside me. I don’t like it at all. Since I found out about free blogging sites, I feel like I have an outlet. I can go here, vent about all my frustrations & whatnot, & it is as anonymous as I want it to be. I can write out everyone’s names if I so choose to, or I can say he or she or they or leave it up to you to decide. I feel like its the best of both worlds, I can vent, I can get it out of me, & move on & try to find some semblance of peace & happiness, AND like I just said, it’s anonymous. It’s not like I am venting to other family members or friends about things, then they start building up negative tabs against them. And then the fact that they know these people I’m venting about…

I have got the worst headache ever. I think it is because I’ve been under a lot of stress…stress dealing with certain people I am around quite a bit. Between a few of the things they have done, & continue to do, I feel like it has been building up & compressing inside me, I almost feel like a building volcano. I really do not want to blow up, I’d much rather diffuse this sucker WAY before that point, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. I don’t see any change coming about any time soon, which is sad, for all parties involved. I really would like a certain someone to get the help they need, mentally. BUT, like I said, I don’t see that happening. I just feel like, from what I have witnessed, that this person has a problem, they KNOW they have a problem, they SAY they want help, but they don’t do anything to get the help they need. They’re not being proactive about it, & they know the avenues to go down to get the help they need & (I feel) the deserve. If it were me, I’d be doing whatever it was to get myself to a healthier, happier place. That being said, yes, I am working on my weight, & my issues. I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach. This person has said to me that they wanted help, but they weren’t sure how long it would last, so why even start? I was appalled by this because why wouldn’t want to start somewhere? Why wouldn’t start to get back on the road to being happy? Give yourself a starting point, be honest-say I don’t long I can do this, so I want to get as much out of this as I can, & I want stuff that I can use after this ends to help me stay grounded & happier than if I didn’t do anything. I’d like to get tips on how to deal with certain situations etc., to take away with me for the future if I am not getting that help anymore. I’d want to walk away from getting the help I need for a short time with as much knowledge as I could possibly gather. I just don’t see how you could NOT want to get help at all because you don’t know how long you will be getting that assistance. The fact is, is that you CAN get it now, capitalize on that while you can!! I just don’t see how someone can choose to live like that, knowing that things could be different, could be so much better. It just baffles me…

Anyway, I have a few things that I need to do away from my computer, so it is time that I bid Adieu for the time being…

Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning…?

11 Sep

So, this may or may not be about September 11th, not quite sure where I’m going with this yet. So, let’s start with the obvious about where were you that day. I live in the pacific time zone, so it was like 5:45 here when the 1st tower was hit. Needless to say, I was sleeping. At like 5:48, my dad comes into my room & tells me I have to go to the living that I have to see ‘this’…I asked him what he was talking about, having ZERO idea what the heck he was talking about. He would not say a word, just kept saying I had to go to the living room to see, yet again, ‘this’. Then, he went into my sisters room & woke them up in the same fashion. So, I walk begrudgingly down the hallway a little bit ahead of my sisters, & look at the TV, which is a breaking news story with 1 of the Twin Towers on fire, black smoke coming out of it. I remember being even more confused, I remember thinking to myself ‘This must be a movie he had on TV, fell asleep, & woke up now & saw this & thought it was real’. I remember asking him WHAT he was watching, what movie it was. He said it wasn’t a movie-that this was really happening. I remember being very doubtful…& in mid thought of thinking how doubtful I was, into the shot comes the 2nd plane…I remember holding my breath, thinking ‘Sh**!! THAT PLANE IS GOING TO HIT THE OTHER TOWER!!!’ I remember, also, thinking that, with the appearance of the 2nd plane, & it flying straight for, & into the 2nd tower, that we were now at war, that somebody did both of those on purpose, it wasn’t just a mere accident that 1 plane hit the towers, because now a 2nd plane blatantly took aim at & crashed into the other tower. At this point, I had a swirl of thoughts running through my head-I was scared, wondering who could do such a thing? Why? Then, I, also, thought of all those people both in both the planes as well as all the people in both buildings as well as the building immediately surrounding buildings. I pretty much knew that the people on the planes, as well as in the buildings in those areas where the planes smashed into the buildings weren’t going to survive, but then I, also wondered how the people in the buildings above & below were going to get out. I remember hearing later on that in 1 of the towers, that there was a stairway that led up to the roof, but that the door was sealed so noone could use that door to get to the roof-so those people were basically stuck between a rock & a hard spot. Then, I started hearing that people were jumping from the buildings to their death-I remember being so heartbroken because how horrible must it be IN the building that someone on the 100th floor felt the need to jump? Or felt that jumping was the better way out? How horrible the conditions must have been that they felt like jumping was a better way! Not to mention that that act might be caught on camera, & god forbid their family member or members should see that!!! OMG I could not imagine! Then, I remember hearing reports of a plane down in Pennsylvania, & 1 hitting the Pentagon…It was truly a scary time, I remember thinking ‘Where’s the next plane going to hit? Or the next attack going to happen?’ Everything was up in the air, nobody knew what was going on, in the midst of everything, a couple of planes went missing or weren’t responding, we didn’t know if there was going to be any more attacks, much less where & when they were going to be. I worked at a bank at the time, & I remembered calling my manager & asking if they needed me to come in early or what was going to happen. They told me it was business as usual. It was really quite scary because everyone was in a panic over that, & we were being told that it was business as usual…total headscrew because we were literally at war now, but we were supposed to act like it was the day before, like nothing had just happened a few hours before. So, on this, the eve of the 14th year anniversary, I would like to convey my sincerest thank you & my heartfelt condolences to every person who perished that day & to their families, as well as everyone who was affected by that day. I honestly feel that that day was our generations Pearl Harbor.

So, I feel like my job is so stressful. Ok, so maybe its not my job so much as it is the people I work with. 1 of the people I work with is SO stressed out over everything, like so much so that they blow their top at the drop of a pin. You look at them, & they explode. I just don’t get it, in my line of work, a little bit of patience goes a long way…it seems like this person starts off the day with a little bit of patience, & that quickly disappears…I don’t know where it goes, much less in SUCH a hurry, but it disappears quicker than…well, insert your analogy here because what I was thinking would probably get me kicked off this wonderful sight, so I will spare all of you readers (or offend you…either way works). Then, another person I work with is just not very sharp. They can’t navigate out of town, can’t navigate the internet (their 1st response when someone tells them to go search something on the web is that they don’t have internet.). It’s like they’re totally lacking common sense. This person is always saying ‘I want to go to *insert out of town store here*’. Mind you, this person has money to go shopping, a car to drive to said out of town store, gas in said car….SOOOOO what’s stopping this person from going? Oh, suddenly they don’t know how to get there…Well, I’ve got an answer for that-this person has a cell phone, with internet access…they can find the store, the store’s address, & the directions to the store…Oh my word! I get that this person is from a different era (said era that did not contain computers, much less laptops, even more much less the internet where you can get any & all information than you can EVER think of!!), but I know other people who are from the same general era who are MUCH more tech savvy than this person! On more than 1 occasion, I’ve gotten yelled at by this person BECAUSE this person doesn’t know what they’re doing-They were yelling AT ME like it was my fault that they didn’t know what to or how to do something or because they didn’t do something!

Ok, I’ve ran out of steam for the moment. I think I’ll call it a night before I start repeating myself…