Motivational Speaking…?

23 Aug

Going from 1 end of the spectrum to the complete opposite is quite exhausting. I get it, I know that I am overweight. This is nothing new to me, as I have been for 99% of my life. I’ve gotten teased about my weight for longer than I care to remember, I’ve only had 1 boyfriend who wasn’t the model boyfriend (I feel lucky to have had 1 boyfriend in my lifetime), I’ve got family members who don’t accept me because I am not obsessed with money & social standing (but that is beside the point), said family members act like they’re still in high school, & as usual, I’m the fat kid that they make fun of, I feel like I go un-noticed by anyone & everyone I come in contact with because I am overweight-they’d rather act like I’m not there than acknowledge me or my presence. Then, there are the friends of mine & some family members that are happy to see me, the fact that I am there makes their day! It doesn’t matter what I look like, what I say (or what I say wrong, as I seem to have a knack for that too), what I do, or whatever else there is…the fact is that I showed up.

It is hard, knowing that I have to loose weight, but the people I am surrounded by don’t seem to care. Or, rather, they DO care, they just don’t care enough to really do anything about it. I don’t make enough money that I can pay all my bills, AND buy my own food. If that were the case, I’d buy my own food & eat my food & probably loose weight. I want to loose weight,  I am on board for that, BUT like I said, the people I live with don’t seem to be up for the change or the challenge. They’re either jabbing at me that I need to loose weight (in a rude way of course, like I’m some errant child who isn’t listening), or they’re giving me 1 of those pep talks that lasts 3 days straight, where they are sitting there, talking at me about needing to get out & exercise, watch what we eat, oh but we ALL need to do it, not just me, not just them, then they’ll move 1 word forward, then it goes back to we all need to do it, not just me, not just them, 1 word forward, then we all need to do it blah blah blah. I GET IT! I am on board with you, LET’S DO IT!!! I am ready to loose weight, I know it won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it!! I am tired of talking about it, of them talking about it, of them lashing out at me about it, but then that’s as far as it ever goes!!! They talk about it, or blow up at me about it then do nothing to change it! It is all talk & no action to back it up!

I’ve been working on eating less, & trying to exercise-I will admit, the exercise part has been a little hard to come by due to this extreme heat we’ve been having (I don’t do well in the heat period), as well as the extended hours at work. BUT I HAVE BEEN TRYING! 1 of the other people I live with has been getting out & walking, which is a start, as well as sort of being on a diet. But this is also the person that won’t say anything to me, won’t say anything to me, then blow up at me about loosing weight. I consider myself to be an open person, you can come up to me & be honest with me, & I won’t take it personally or won’t get offended…however, if you come up to me, & are noticeably criticizing me & jumping down my throat about it, I am going to be less inclined to go along with you than if you come up to me & talk to me rationally & calmly & non acusatorily about it! Plus, if you come at me like that, accusatorily, then I WILL get offended & fight back! Don’t come at me with guns blazing, & accusing me & blaming me for things. Especially if you want me to be agreeable & positively responsive about it! If you want me to be as asset, be honest, don’t be rude! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t take too well to that rude kind of honest where you’re just coming off as condescending or something like that, but if you come to me & talk to me compassionately, I will respond better.

On the other hand, don’t talk my ear off period. Furthermore, don’t talk my ear off about something like this, & saying that we all have to change our eating habits, what we eat, how much we eat etc., & how we all have to exercise, & then do nothing about it! I am ready for a change, I know a change needs to be made, I am doing the best with what I have, just because you don’t see it doesn’t meant I am not doing it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. When the sun sets here, it goes to the other side of the world to bring them another day, just because you don’t SEE it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening or doesn’t happen! Just because you don’t SEE me go out for a walk, or I don’t say I am going for a walk, or SEE me eating less at dinner, doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything!

I am not sure what else I can say or do that could make a difference in this situation. It was brought up to my attention that I should maybe breach the subject with the people I live with…Just say hey, I know we all have to loose weight, exercise, & I am on board with that. I will try that. It was also stated that I do tend to get offended easily, which I know I do, but in this case, I feel like it is not completely my fault in this, & should I be blamed for it? If someone comes at you, guns blazing (figuratively speaking) basically saying you need to loose weight RIGHT NOW (like it’s that easy to just drop the weight right then & there…) in an almost accusatory tone & fashion, how am I supposed to take it? I know these people care about me, & that they are only trying to do it for my benefit, BUT, these people have known me for a very long time, they know that if they come at me like that, that I will resist them, I will defy them. I get it that they want to be honest with me, & that is ok, just don’t come at me with criticism, or accusing or attacking me. I feel like it’d go SO much better if we could truly be honest with each other in a decent, gentle, polite, & respectful way so no feelings get hurt or trampled, & where everyone gets a say. I feel like ever body should be heard from, & not immediately discredited on the spot, as well as respected & not feel like they’re being attacked or like they would be attacked if they were to bring up a subject. This, also, might be a good thing to bring up with the people I live with…

Anyway, I feel like I’ve worked through my feelings & thoughts on this, wish me luck on the big life altering task I am about to embark on.


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