It’s Not Me, It Is YOU!

16 Aug

So, I’ve been stewing on this for a bit over a week, but REALLY stewing over something all day today, as the situation had gotten worse. AND it wasn’t me, or anything *I* did! Someone I know had received some…not bad news, but not necessarily good news, & it was very shocking, both to them & to *us* as a family. And it is sparking some serious changes in all our lives that needed to be done a long time ago-We need to change how we eat, what we eat & how much we eat & lose weight. I get it, I want to do it, we all need to do it.

First bullet point is someone I live with, not the above mentioned person, keeps saying that ‘we all have to lose weight, & [they’re] not just talking to & about [me].’ They keep saying that it is not just me, or pointed at me, BUT I am the 1 that this person is talking directly to, or at. AND nothing changes! We still eat dinner late, we still eat bad food, we still don’t exercise, AND they STILL talk AT me about this. They CLAIM they’re not blaming me or saying it just to me, but they’re looking RIGHT AT ME, noone else in the room, they’re talking TO me, NOT to anyone else in the room. And still, nothing changes, nothing gets done. I don’t have much money, I don’t do the shopping for the people who live here, I help sometimes with dinner, but otherwise I have no say in what we have, yet they act like it is all  my fault that we eat bad food, that we eat so late. I feel like this person IS talking JUST to me on this, even though they say they’re not! So, I naturally get defensive on it, because they keep talking TO ME about it, AND NOT doing anything about it!

Second bullet point is the above mentioned person hearing about the not so good news…& more precisely, how they’re dealing with it. So, HOW are they dealing with it? You ask…They’re taking it out on EVERY body else. Anybody who is here at the house, they have been lashing out at, & being a very unlikeable person to be around. They’ve been VERY combative & argumentative with EVERY BODY! They’ve been proverbially hitting everyone when they’re down. Not to say the rest of us are down, but this person is acting like it, & just keeps the blows coming at any cost. And this news that this person received…has nothing to do with anybody else but that person, it wasn’t anything we did to this person that caused this!! Granted, this was scary news, & this person is understandably scared by this news, BUT it has nothing to do with anything any of the rest of us did! It’s not like we crashed the family car or anything like that! Yet, the constant lashing out & the general MEAN-ness of the lashing out is making it very hard to live in this house! I have spent most of yesterday & pretty much all of today avoiding & being away from this person-even going so far as to lock myself in my room alone JUST so I don’t get bashed on by this person! I have enough issues to deal with on my own without having to deal with being bashed while I am in my own living room. I know I have to loose weight, I know I have to start exercising more, I know I have to eat better…I have to clean my cluttered up room, I have to go through said clutter & get rid of a lot of it, I have bills to pay, I have to look for a new car, I have to work, find a new job, keep things up at the jobs I am at right now…the list goes on & on! I could just scream from having so much to do! But you don’t see me lashing out at everybody I am around. I feel personally attacked by this person, & before you say it, I know-it’s obviously not just me. I see that, I see that it is being done to everyone, but it still hurts. I am trying, & then I get this? I get verbally beat up on, talked shit about RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, basically said I am not doing anything, said person basically saying that they are not being listened to, & that THEY are the victims in this whole scenario? Ok, YES, I’ll give it to them that they got some bad news, BUT it’s not like they were told that they were going to die a horrible painful death within 24 hours. Yes, this news they got opened up a can of worms of what if’s, & what needs to be done, & does this need to be done, & how soon, & god knows how many other questions could be asked in this situation. However, yesterday, they did receive some better news that was basically saying that the first news bomb was an over-reaction, & was basically a worst case scenario. In the last week, it’s been a slow burn of the lashing out, but in the last 2 days (yesterday & today), it has gotten SO much worse. I don’t know why because they received a reprieve-they were told it wasn’t as doom & gloom as first was thought. Not exactly  a ‘throw a party to end all parties’ type of news, but better news than the first set of news. You’d think they’d at least be a little relieved that it wasn’t as bad as originally thought, granted things still need to change, but it is now nowhere near the worst case scenario that was originally presented!

I get it that this person was scared & worried, BUT WHY take it out on everyone around you? If all you want is to be alone, there are a lot of EASIER ways to do that, AND ways that DON’T HURT ANYBODY ELSE in the process. In talking to someone who has known this person for a lot longer than me, it was mutually brought our attention (we both were thinking of other big bomb news items that were brought up to said person in the past, & noticed a pattern) that any time said person received big bad news, said person would get like this & lash out at everyone as a kind of coping mechanism. I feel like this person almost preys upon myself as well as a couple other close people to us BECAUSE we are the perfect prey-we take offense to it, we get all flustered & upset, we let it get us down & so on, rather than other people who just let it roll right off & not affect them & proverbially shoot an arrow right between their eye & say this is whats really bothering you & that is ok, let’s move through this, we’ll get through this. Rather than pointing out to this person that ‘this’ is what’s bothering you, lets solve this problem, it’s not so bad, we get pushed back & pushed back & end up getting hurt. Granted, we don’t turn our backs on this person either because I know for me, I know that this person is hurting or worried, & that is just how they show it, (not that that is an excuse) but I will stick with this person through this tough time & help out when & where I can. That is what family is for…at least in my book…that obviously is not in everyone else’s book…

Anyway…I think I’ve talked all your ears off for a bit…

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