Drama…Yet Again!

7 Jun

What a couple of weeks it has been…

Between someone getting married & the literally TONS of worry, planning & drama that went along with it (& I wasn’t even in or going to the wedding yet I still seem to be dragged into it), to 2 people I know taking their own lives, to an animal friend being put down (which, while sad, is a good thing I think), to just strange things going on…*rolls eyes* I just want a dessert island for a while…I just want to go there to get away from it all, to clear my head, & maybe to give certain people the proverbial slap upside the head. Let’s just say that I am not feeling ‘the love’ if you will, I am not feeling important AT ALL, in fact, I am feeling so small right now, that the smallest midget is looking like a giant to me right about now. I don’t even know where to begin.

The newest thing that seems to be happening is that 1 of my employers seems to not pay attention to me. It’s not that this person is ignoring me, but I can sure feel the distance. When me & my coworker get there, & this person is going over what to do during the day, knowing that my coworker won’t be there for a majority of that day, that I will be the 1 there that day, instead of telling ME, this person tells my coworker. Then, whenever this person wants something done, instead of texting either me or both of us, this person will text my coworker, then get mad at me when it wasn’t done. Well, gee, if you would’ve told ME as well, then maybe it would’ve gotten done! Then, when this person does ask me something, it’s if they can have something of someone elses-like my coworkers lunch, or something like that, then gets mad at me when I say I don’t know, ask this person because it’s theirs! The person has the audacity to get mad at ME to give them something of someone elses! The last time they did this, I told them that it wasn’t mine to give-how would they feel if I did that to them? If they had something & was planning on having it (let’s say it’s their lunch) but then only to find out someone else ate it or used it or whatever because someone else another person if they could have it, & that other person said yes? Like come on, really?!?! Oh but then, that person gets mad at me when I start bickering about something…I feel like this person is trying to not necessarily get rid of me, but I definitely get the feeling that they don’t want me there. So, why don’t I say something? Because I know as sure as the sun rises & sets that I will get that look, & get that conversation that what I am saying & feeling is just plain crazy, that that isn’t what they meant or how they meant it to come acrossed. Oh really, so when they call here, & ask for my coworker instead of me, when it’s something either 1 of us can do, I am just taking it the wrong way? Or at the beginning of the day, when they talk to my coworker instead of me, when my won’t even be there most of the day, I am just imagining things & making things up? I may be taking it a bit personally, but can you blame me? Am I in the wrong? I feel like nobody wants me around. I seriously want to just up & leave…like ask for 1 day off, have everyone leave the house, or have them go out of town to the mall or something & say I’ll meet them later, then just move all my stuff out, leave my cell phone, delete my facebook etc, & just leave, get a new name, new identity, new me, & start all over again. There are certain people that I don’t have the heart to leave. Just the thought of living without them in my life, of never getting to see them or talk to them, literally brings me to my knees & tears my heart out & leaves me crying so hard. Sometimes (most times actually) I am just so very tired of all of this…it’s like high school drama all over again & all the time! It feels like it never ends!

Now, on to more drama…a friends wedding. It wasn’t my friend directly, more like my siblings friend. Well, along with this came said sibling having to buy the clothing to wear in the wedding, along with the matching shoes, jewelry, accessories, then having hair & makeup done for the wedding, plus the rehearsal dinner, plus the actual wedding day festivities. Holy Moly…just talking about that there has me all tired out! All that work for ONE day…not even a whole day! Then, everyone else has had an opinion on what the bride wore, what the wedding party wore, the bouquets, & anything else you could possibly think of involved. I don’t know why this happens, but things like this-weddings & such, always brings out the gossip hounds…And they always have so much to say! Oh yes, there is never a shortness of things to gossip about.

Then there is the matter of the dog. I know I’ve been quite outspoken on said dog & her owner, it is with great sadness, & some relief, to say that the dog has gone on to doggy heaven. Surprisingly, the owner kept her at home (HIS home, not ours, to clarify). She was a great dog, I did like her, I just felt that as she got on in years & required a bit more help & patience, he wasn’t up for that part of the job. I kind of felt that he was ok with her through the good times, but when the times got rough, he got gone on her, & left her to my sibling to take care of, while she made a mess of OUR house & car rather than his. It was like he had no patience for her when she started having accidents & such. While I am saddened by this, I do also feel relieved, because first & foremost, she is in a better place now, but she will not be pawned off by her owner because he can’t or won’t deal with her getting older. I know that sounds harsh, but the reality of it is that was what he was doing.

I just feel like there has been so much drama recently…it seems to come in waves…I wish that the next wave to come in will be a long time from now! I would LOVE to have a nice long lull of calmness for a good long time!

So, I’ve been reading a lot. I just got into a new series of 6 books, I have just started the 3rd book in the series. I feel like there are few people & things in this world that truly get me & are there for me. Books & music have definitely been 2 things in my life that have always been there, have always understood. How can a book-a series of pages, a series of words on said pages, all put together to tell a story, be ‘there’ for you? They don’t talk back, they don’t give words back, they don’t talk, they have no way of communicating with me. Oh, on the contrary! Books & music give me a world to escape to where I don’t have to say anything, don’t have to think about anything else than what is in that book, or what is in that song. I am allowed to go somewhere else outside of my head, of my world & just escape. I can be 1 of the characters, or I can just live vicariously through said character. It is up to me! I can read a romance novel, or a young adult novel, or a scary book by stephen king, or a book about witches & wizards….I can read whatever I feel like at that moment! At this point, I feel an almost overwhelming need to escape…I feel like there has been so much going on, I just need to get away, need to see new scenery, even just be alone for a while. The weather is heating up again, much to my discontent. The heat & summers are the bane of my existence! Everyone else around me seems to love it, NOT me! It is barely summer, the heat barely here & I am already ready for the winter & cold & rain to be back!!!

Anyway, before I go on & on about nothing, I am going to call it quits, going to go dig into another book, maybe watch a movie…just hang out alone in my room for some me time while I can get it, before yet another week starts…

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