Unwanted advice in abundance

14 Jan

Things have been getting better for me health wise. I’ve had my 2 other endoscopies at UCSF & they went well. I’m still going to need surgery to have my gall bladder taken out, so I’m gearing up for that.

On another note, other things haven’t been going so well. Well, maybe ‘not well’ isn’t the right way to put it. More like people treating me like I’m stupid, going to make bad decisions, telling me what I should & shouldn’t be eating & otherwise just giving unwanted & unneeded advice like I’m a 4 year old. This hasn’t helped my mental world at all! I’ve got my mom telling me good things to eat that are low fat…but obvious things that I didn’t need to be told. Then she’s repeating herself on that.

There’s my dad, who rudely gives advice…stuff like ‘are you SURE you should be eating that?’ Or ‘should you have that much?’ Not to mention that he is unwilling to change his habits any & criticizes me about what I’m eating-what choice do I have? I have no job, no money…so it’s not like I can go out & but my own food to feed myself healthy. He HAS to have his French bread with dinner, then has the nerve to criticize me when I have ONE small piece of the bread without any butter, while he has 5 pieces with butter?

Then there’s my sister. She is ALWAYS on top of me about portion sizes, what I eat, & basically everything I do! Most of the time I feel like I can’t take a breath or blink my eyes without running it by her first… I feel like no matter what I eat or how much I eat, she’s always judging me & telling me every little thing I did wrong. Sometimes, I feel like she’s testing me too. For example, she’ll ask me if I want something that may not be the best decision, like at Starbucks, getting a nonfat white mocha…I just feel like she is setting me up so she can reprimand me for it later.

I very much feel like the outcast now. Like everyone is judging me on everything I am doing, everything I say, how I act. I feel like I’m up on stage being judged, having the spotlight put brightly on only me. Seems like everything I do & say is wrong-I eat, that wrong; I don’t eat, then I’m acting childish & still wrong in some way. At this point, I don’t want to be here anymore…take that however you want. I can’t seem to do anything right, so what’s the point? I’m not doing any good in the world…


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